pay attention

A friend of my daughter's invited her to a evening of meditation. Emily's friend is a Buddhist and Emily asked me if it'd be okay if she went. Her friend, Sonia, had accompanied her to Young Life events (and even Young Life camp), knowing that it was a Christian organization, so Emily felt it was only fair for her to accept Sonia's invitation, in turn. I agreed.

In recent years, I have read a few books by Buddhist monks and authors, and I've often found them thought-provoking, especially when it comes to the concept of "mindfulness". I appreciate the challenge to hone my skills of observation---and in particular, to observing what's going on inside of me. It's far too easy for most of us to skate along the surface of life, and miss what's happening beneath the surface.

It's like this. Say I lose patience with my children or get frustrated with a sibling. It'd be easy for me to simply throw up a quick prayer, asking for forgiveness or strength in the moment, and then try to muddle through and vow to respond differently to them the next time around.

In that common scenario, though I did look upward, I didn't look inward, and next time, chances are great, that I'd respond in the exact same way. I didn't change or grow, and neither did anyone around me.

A better step, in line with Buddhist thinking, and not at all in conflict with Christian principles, might be to ask myself "Why am I irritated with my children right now?" or "Why did my husband's response bother me?" or "What am I afraid of?" or "Why am I feeling anxious?" By paying attention to what's going on inside of me, I get the chance to objectively observe emotions that are contributing to my outward reaction and I might learn something about myself. I can then communicate that to my family and to God. "Actually, I'm overreacting because of something that happened to me earlier today." or "God, help me let go of my anxiety over my sister's choices that are outside of my control."

This opens up a window to my heart, and invites the listener in---the very one that I had at first been accidentally pushing away. Trust me, I'm not naturally the introspective type, but over the years, I have become less and less satisfied with superficial relationships. Both with God and with others, I must be willing to first observe who I am and what's happening and then dare to be vulnerable enough to share what I've discovered.

Back to the Buddhist meditation night, my daughter really enjoyed it. She felt like what she learned was in line with her faith. And, interestingly enough, that night, when she opened her devotional book, the reading for the day was entitled "Pay attention!"