Jesus wept

I want to be profound today.  I want to write something moving and revealing about the nature of grief.  But I can't.  I'm just too sad to do it.

I think it's good to be sad, even though it's hard for me.  I was raised to be the "good" kid in the family, which I took to mean, I was supposed to be the happy one, while others in my family were moody.  It's the role my parents carved out for me and it felt comfortable for me.  I liked being upbeat and happy.

As I came to faith, it seemed to validate my attitude.  I thought that as a Christian I was supposed to be happy all the time and if I wasn't happy, I should do what I'd always done---gloss over it.  After all, didn't Paul say "Rejoice in the Lord, always" and the punctuate it by saying "Again I say, rejoice!"?

But over time I came to realize that the abundant life Jesus promised meant I would experience both ups and downs.  And that there was some kind of "abundance" found in making it through both.  If I was just going up all the time (or pretending to go up all the time), I was missing something.  Mostly I think I was missing real, genuine connection with God and those around me.

So, I'm sad.  I'm sad imperfectly.  I'm not quite sure how to do it exactly yet.  But that's where I am.  I'm just putting it out there.

My stepfather passed away about a week ago.  We knew it was coming.  Parkinson's beat him up over the years.  That's just as sad as his parting, really.

And now I've heard that a coach from Severna Park High School just passed away.  He was in his 40's and led the baseball team and the Green Hornets.  He was in his 40's and left behind his family and many, many kids and peers who respected and loved him.

Tonight people from around the community have been invited to come to a prayer vigil at Woods at 7:30.  I want to be there too, to let people know that it's okay to be sad.  We can be sad together, as we share loss and pain.  After all, Jesus wept, too.